Here’s a store (maybe NSFW) that peddles t-shirts with off-color sayings. There’s a ton of them, so here are some of the shirts I think are funny.

• straight from the Regan bit
• dreidel
• sheep
• kitchen
• back
• neglect
• taught
• loves
• sign
• birds

On the home page is a link to “Worse Than Hell” which reveals a sub-category of completely tasteless depravity. You are warned, honestly.

It’s no secret that The Commonwealth is home to some of the worlds worst drivers. The best way to correct this epidemic is effective communication at the time of transgression. As a resident, this new spiral-bound tabbed book of large-print sentiments is a must buy. Bonus: each page has the same sentiment written in reverse so it will appear normal when viewed in a mirror. A sampling:

And my favorite…

They also offer a milder censored version, in their words, “for those with slightly smaller balls.”

Here’s a small gallery of kid’s cereal knock-offs. I’m disappointed they didn’t include Crispy Hexagons.

Yes, that’s the real name. If its form didn’t scream its purpose, I’ll spell it out. This chair is designed to hold a piece of fruit so a lapdancer can grind the juice out of it. Semi-NSFW photos of the chair in action can be seen here.

Here’s an excellent glossary of Carny Lingo, straight from the midway. A sampling:

BABY NEEDS MILK – When carnies see another carny flirting with the townies, they will often go by and say this just to mess up their buddies ‘score’.

FLOSS or FLOSS WAGON – Cotton candy and a ‘grab joint’ that sells cotton candy.

KICK – Refers to the pocket where carnies keep the money they ‘swing’ with, i.e., “I saw Gizmo put that ‘fin’ in his ‘kick’.”

RUBE – Any kind of physical and sometimes, verbal fight. Originally meant a big fight between the carnies and the townies. When a carny saw someone hit a co-worker, they yelled “Hey, Rube!” and everyone who could bail a counter piled on. Also, a not very affectionate term for the towner himself.

Overexcited Fox News reporter catches himself dividing beleaguered Londoners into “Arab” and “regular” people.

I’ve always been fascinated by the Red Scare. Partly because of the equating of atheism with communism that led to a popular false dilemma (God-fearing patriot vs. godless pinko). Partly because of the irony. Proponents of the Red Scare criticized communism for, among other things, persecuting dissidents of the incumbent regime (can you say House Un-American Activities Committee?). So here’s a 1961 comic book called Treasure Chest published by the Catholic Guild that had a story titled This Godless Communism. This is pure Red Scare gold. It even has a forward by J. Edgar Hoover.

Wukka-wukka-wukka-wukka-wukka-wukka…

There’s going to be an orchestral concert tour that will play only video game music called, Video Games Live. They’ll also have screens showing gameplay from the relevant games. I can’t believe Akihabara isn’t on the venue list.

The following games have been confirmed although we have a few other tricks up our sleeves as well. For now you can bet on the following…

Marioâ„¢, Zelda®, Halo®, Metal Gear Solid®, Warcraft®, Myst®, Final Fantasy®, Castlevania®, Medal of Honorâ„¢, Sonicâ„¢, Tron, Tomb Raider®, Advent Rising, Headhunter, Beyond Good & Evilâ„¢, Tom Clancy medley (Splinter Cell®, Ghost Reconâ„¢, Rainbow Six®), EverQuest® II and a special retro arcade segment that goes from Pong® to Donkey Kong®! Some other confirmed games for our “Arcade Classics” segment include Centipede, Robotron, Satan’s Hollow, Punch-Out!, Ghosts ‘n Goblins & Outrun just to name a few.

It would be safe to assume that instead of cigarette lighters the audience will be waving backlit GBAs.