ReadyMade has instructions on building a chia-couch.

Even though they’re not technically selling it, they are promoting it deceptively. It doesn’t come with, nor attract, hot chicks. In reality, it will be inhabited by gophers and periodically adorned with steaming dogpiles.

There’s an event going on in NYC that’s a city-wide watergun assasination tournament called StreetWars.

At the start of the game you will receive a manila envelope containing the following:

• A picture of your intended target(s)
• The home address of your intended target(s)
• The work address of your intended target(s)
• The name of your intended target(s)
• Contact information of your intended target(s)

Upon receipt of these items, your (or your team’s) mission is to find and kill (by way of water gun, water balloon or super soaker) your target(s).

You can hunt your target down any way you see fit; you can pose as a delivery person and jack them when they open the door, disguise yourself and take them out on the street, etc.

If you are successful in your assassination attempt, the person you killed will give you their envelope and the person they were supposed to kill becomes your new target. This continues until you work yourself through all the players and retrieve the envelope with your (or your team’s) picture(s) and name(s). Then you win. Cash…but first live in fear.

This is highly recommended for people who feel they have insufficient stress in their lives.

Yes, that’s the real name. If its form didn’t scream its purpose, I’ll spell it out. This chair is designed to hold a piece of fruit so a lapdancer can grind the juice out of it. Semi-NSFW photos of the chair in action can be seen here.

Here’s an excellent glossary of Carny Lingo, straight from the midway. A sampling:

BABY NEEDS MILK – When carnies see another carny flirting with the townies, they will often go by and say this just to mess up their buddies ‘score’.

FLOSS or FLOSS WAGON – Cotton candy and a ‘grab joint’ that sells cotton candy.

KICK – Refers to the pocket where carnies keep the money they ‘swing’ with, i.e., “I saw Gizmo put that ‘fin’ in his ‘kick’.”

RUBE – Any kind of physical and sometimes, verbal fight. Originally meant a big fight between the carnies and the townies. When a carny saw someone hit a co-worker, they yelled “Hey, Rube!” and everyone who could bail a counter piled on. Also, a not very affectionate term for the towner himself.

Wukka-wukka-wukka-wukka-wukka-wukka…

There’s going to be an orchestral concert tour that will play only video game music called, Video Games Live. They’ll also have screens showing gameplay from the relevant games. I can’t believe Akihabara isn’t on the venue list.

The following games have been confirmed although we have a few other tricks up our sleeves as well. For now you can bet on the following…

Marioâ„¢, Zelda®, Halo®, Metal Gear Solid®, Warcraft®, Myst®, Final Fantasy®, Castlevania®, Medal of Honorâ„¢, Sonicâ„¢, Tron, Tomb Raider®, Advent Rising, Headhunter, Beyond Good & Evilâ„¢, Tom Clancy medley (Splinter Cell®, Ghost Reconâ„¢, Rainbow Six®), EverQuest® II and a special retro arcade segment that goes from Pong® to Donkey Kong®! Some other confirmed games for our “Arcade Classics” segment include Centipede, Robotron, Satan’s Hollow, Punch-Out!, Ghosts ‘n Goblins & Outrun just to name a few.

It would be safe to assume that instead of cigarette lighters the audience will be waving backlit GBAs.

Who still uses these things other than the Amish?

Bonus: Comes with “peening jig”

If you were on the fence as to whether or not David Lynch has lost his shit, this should nudge you off. He’s now doing daily weather reports on the net.

What?

Here are a couple of pages (one, two) that feature firecracker label art. Most are pretty strange.